3/07/2005
"Paris Hilton" Your iPod

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In a shocking move, Paris Hilton came clean today and announced a heartfelt apology for her overall skankiness. In front of the Hilton headquarters, she made her revelation in front of a large group of awestruck news reporters.
“Well, first off, I couldn’t figure out why I made those sex tapes. I have been pondering over it and I suppose I did it because my parents gave me everything except for love,” Paris stated. Yes, Paris Hilton used the word pondering. Quite shocking indeed. “I started to feel even worse when I realized that young girls look up to me all over the world… well, at least from America. I didn’t want a generation of whiny, prissy, spoiled, slutty girls to be my fault, that’s why I’m coming clean.”
Paris Hilton, we think you have done the right thing and we applaud your courage to stand up for what’s right. Stay tuned for next week when we investigate monkeys flying out my ass.
“Well, first off, I couldn’t figure out why I made those sex tapes. I have been pondering over it and I suppose I did it because my parents gave me everything except for love,” Paris stated. Yes, Paris Hilton used the word pondering. Quite shocking indeed. “I started to feel even worse when I realized that young girls look up to me all over the world… well, at least from America. I didn’t want a generation of whiny, prissy, spoiled, slutty girls to be my fault, that’s why I’m coming clean.”
Paris Hilton, we think you have done the right thing and we applaud your courage to stand up for what’s right. Stay tuned for next week when we investigate monkeys flying out my ass.
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Put
on an anti-viral panty liner and let the battle between the
spoiled rich blonde bitches begin! It's Paris Hilton, heiress
to the Hilton Hotel empire vs Lacey Underall from the movie
Caddyshack.
Our interview with Ryan was just like his lyrics, honest and articulate. Ryan was very forthcoming and spoke openly about everything from his break with No Knife to his freaky cats.
When it comes to so-called heavy metal supergroups, a lot of them usually don’t last long. But for New Orleans’ Down – made up of Ex-Pantera vocalist Phil Anselmo and bassist Rex Brown, Corrosion of Conformity guitarist Pepper Keenan, Crowbar guitarist Kirk Windstein, and Eyehategod drummer Jimmy Bower – there has been something special that has kept them unified for over 15 years.

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