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The Best Quotes from "Office Space"
Director Mike Judge has come up with a spot-on look at work in corporate America circa 1999. Jennifer Aniston plays Peter's love interest, a waitress at Chotchkie's, a generic beer-and-burger joint à la Chili's, and Diedrich Bader (The Drew Carey Show) has a minor but hilarious turn as Peter's mustached, long-haired, drywall-installin' neighbor. Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with i... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys. Bob Slydell: I admit it, I'm a Michael Bolton fan! I celebrate the guy's entire collection! For my money it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman"! Tom
Smykowski: It's a "Jump to Conclusions Mat"! You see,
you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on Lawrence: Hey Peter, check it out, channel 9, it's the breast exams! Samir: No! Not again! Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam! I swear to God one of these days I'm just going to kick this piece of shit out of the window. Peter Gibbons: He's going to ask me to work on Sunday and I'm going to do it, because I'm a pussy, which is why I work at Initech in the first place. Michael Bolton: Hey, I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a pussy. Samir: Yes, I am also not a pussy. Peter
Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars? Peter
Gibbons: I don't like my job and I don't think I'll
go anymore. Bob Slydell: If you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you? Peter Gibbons: Yeah. Bob Slydell: Great. Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Lumberg can't see me, heh--after that I sorta space out for an hour. Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out? Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. Bob Slydell: I'd like to move us right to Peter Gibbons. We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.
Lumbergh: Oh, and remember: Next Friday...is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. Steve: Hi, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.
Michael Bolton: We're not going to some white collar resort prison. No, no, no! We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison! Drew: I'm thinking about taking that new chick from Logistics. If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh! Oh! Peter:
Hey Lawrence, you wanna come over?
Peter
Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I
realized, ever since I started working, every single day
of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that
means that every single day that you see me, that's on the
worst day of my life. Bob: Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately. Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob.
Peter Gibbons: I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up money laundering in a dictionary. Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Nayee-Nanajar. Nayeenanajar. Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least you're name isn't Michael Bolton. Samir: You know, there's nothing wrong with that name. Michael Bolton: There WAS nothing wrong with it. Until I was about 12 years old, and that no-talent-ass-clown because famous and started winning Grammys. Samir: Why don't you just go by Mike, instead of Michael? Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change it? He's the one who sucks. Bob
Slydell: Milton Waddams. Peter Gibbons: You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael? Bob Slydell: Oh yeah, we're bring in some entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal. Bob Porter: Standard operating procedure. Peter Gibbons: Do they know this yet? Bob Slydell: No! No, of course not! We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week. Peter Gibbons: It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. Peter Gibbons: What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to "Vibe"? Joanna: You know what, Stan. If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?
Peter Gibbons: ''You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.''
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